I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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