Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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