Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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