yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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