Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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