I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
