Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
