I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
