are you still at the devil's house?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
