i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
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my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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