Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
