the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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