well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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