I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Banned from zoo.
Again?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
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As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
pop tarts are not kleenex
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
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