make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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