When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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