so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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