you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno