We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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