apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs