My Higher Power is John Stamos
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0