you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My ass is underappreciated
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?