Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.