So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think pants incapable of making pants work