hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?