I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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