I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
