It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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