why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
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i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
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my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
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