Can Purell be used as lube?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Sober January is a disaster.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.