how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.