i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else