i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
We need to rekindle our bromance
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
