this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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