9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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