i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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