i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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