Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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