Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I would ride that face into the sunset
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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