Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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