so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
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your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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