the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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