how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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