booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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