I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
