The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
