Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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