DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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