he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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