That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
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i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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