I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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