Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
