So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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