i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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