I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize