We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
