Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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