ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
high people should be assigned attendants
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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